Aww, the last sin? Just when I was getting back into the swing of things. It seems as though this project has been with me so long, it almost makes me sad to see it come to an end. I have been through many transformations these last few months, both good and bad, and still I was able to return to finish what I had started. That’s a good feeling. Satisfying. So, with that, I bring you the seventh and final deadly sin. I hope you have enjoyed them even half as much as I have enjoyed writing them.

Sloth

Now this is an interesting sin in view of modern society. Some of these sins, especially this one, seem to have become so commonplace as to seem routine, the norm. Everyone these days seems to be out for the easy money, the big bucks coming in for not much effort given out. The infomercials claiming “10 hours of work a week equals $14,000 a week in income” or some such crazy nonsense. Just give THEM $250, and they’ll show you how. Things come in the mail, too. Work at home, get crazy money for only a few hours work, blah blah blah. Does anyone REALLY believe that hogwash? Or is it all some crazy pipe dream that we have conned ourselves into believing? That if we can just find the right combination of little work and big bucks, we will finally make it?
And what about the increase in drug dealing, gambling, daring stock investments. All designed to make easy money. Not to mention that when things go wrong, it’s not “MY” fault. No one wants to take responsibility. We see it constantly in the news. This person or that person accused of some crime claims that it wasn’t their fault, they were crazy, they were abused, they were coerced, the devil made them do it. OK, I am not saying there aren’t genuine cases where these things could happen. But, come on. It’s really getting ridiculous. Where are the work ethics? The responsibility? The pride in accomplishment? Our kids today barely get a chance to BE proud of things they accomplish, because it’s all about praising them for every little thing, never allowing them to feel bad, even when that bad feeling is the key to helping them grow to another level. So, we are becoming an entire society of people who don’t know what it is to feel bad about anything, so when they grow up and discover it, they don’t know how to handle it, what to do with it. Their “self-esteem” has mutated into an arrogance that says that they are the only one who matters, they are the best, and forget about anyone or anything else in the way of their getting what they want to make them happy. The intentions, I think, were good, but the end result has become almost frighteningly sad.
Whoa, what a soap box, huh? In my own life, for the most part, I have loved to work, to accomplish goals, to do things with myself and my life. The main times I have noticed myself slipping into some semblance of sloth is during a depressive episode. Then, sometimes I am not so sure if it is necessarily sloth, as in purposefully avoiding doing things, or just a result of being so deeply depressed that I am UNABLE to do those things. The last year or so in my old place, I was really beginning to wonder if I WAS the lazy, useless person he always made me believe I was. But since I have been in my own place again, I have been making the phone calls I need to make, going where I need to go, cleaning the house every day, I am more able to calmly handle the boys, I am even looking forward to doing something more, whether it is school or work, with a LITTLE less fear that I will end up looking like a complete fool and fall on my face. But the most important thing for me is that I am taking responsibility for myself and my actions and my LIFE. And people embroiled in a slothful lifestyle cannot even comprehend these simple pleasures of being alive.
I wish I had answers on how to reverse the trend of wanting something for nothing. But, growing up as an 80′s child myself, I still struggle with the desire for just that, and if I could find it, I would honestly probably jump at the chance. But, for now, I know that the answer, for me, is to work hard and be a good example for my kids, and let them fall on their face every so often, but always be there to pick up their pieces. Because loving someone, or even working with someone, isn’t about always making that person feel good. Loving someone means being there for them no matter what, and being willing to WORK at the relationship, so that no matter what problems arise, they can always be handled.

Penned by: Tricia | 4 Comments »

First off, I want to thank everyone SO much for welcoming me back so warmly. It really feels good to know that I was not forgotten while I was in the Twilight Zone. I am slowly making the rounds to everyone that I know of, as well as trying to get to all of you wonderful new people who have dropped by (THANKS!! ), so bear with me. Chasing a two-year-old around all day does not leave too much time for surfing. That said, can we FINALLY get on with the last two sins? I have been sinning FOREVER! (Hah, don’t print that.)

Greed

Interesting. Of course each and every one of us feels greed at one time or another. The extreme desire to have something, any way you can get it. The conviction that we NEED this thing in order to go on with our lives. But do we? Do we really? Society today is so focused on THINGS. Buy this, own that now, you need this, don’t you want that, everyone has one. Playstation, GameBoy Advance, DVD, CD-RW’s, big screen televisions, satellite dishes, stereos, bigger and better cars, cell phones, pagers, digital cable, computers, cable modems, toys that basically play with themselves, don’t even need the kid, everything better, easier, more expensive. Where does it end? And what, exactly, do we REALLY need? And how do we find that out with all the outside forces telling us what THEY think we need? Sometimes it feels like greed is almost impossible to avoid.

I have that problem sometimes. Luckily for me, I don’t have nearly enough money to be really greedy. Plus, I have kids. They keep me grounded. But a few times I head into the big, brightly beckoning department store, and walk out bewildered, wondering just how those things managed to jump into my cart, and how my money managed to jump so quickly out of my purse. And the guilt sets in. Guilt that I shouldn’t have spent it, that my eyes were too big for my wallet, and what the HECK did I need a new shower curtain for anyway, when the old one was still perfectly good? But perhaps I am lucky. At least I HAVE the guilt. I have a friend who constantly proclaims that she won’t spend this or that money that she has, only to go out to the store a few days later, spending another hundred or so dollars, yet constantly justifying it to herself and anyone else that will listen how much she NEEDED to have nothing less than a 27 inch television, how her daughter really NEEDED another dozen pairs of socks. I wonder if all she really needed was someone to care? Someone to listen? Someone to fill her spiritually, emotionally?

Remember the Narnia series by C.S. Lewis? It has been brought to light before that the seven books of the Narnia series are representative of the seven deadly sins. Nowhere is this premise better illustrated than in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and I love the example of the uselessness of greed that it portrays. The following is from a paper by Dr. Don W. King, whose analysis doesn’t need much improvment.

“In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader Lewis emphasizes greed, pictured in the thoroughly obnoxious Eustace Clarence Scrubb. Eustace, besides being entirely egocentric and totally selfish, is greedy beyond bounds. His greed and its consequences provide the central episode of the tale. After an exhausting storm drives Eustace and his shipmates to an island where they intend to replenish their supplies, Eustace, feeling picked on, slinks away to the center of the island where, to his shock, he encounters a dying dragon. He watches the dragon breathe its last gasp and begins “to feel as if he had fought and killed the dragon instead of merely seeing it die.” Eustace is then driven by a fierce rainstorm into the dragon’s lair where he discovers the dragon’s rich hoard. Delighted with his find, Eustace greedily stuffs his pockets with diamonds and slips a large diamond bracelet above his elbow. Once he realizes he can carry no more, he falls asleep upon a pile of golden coins.

When Eustace later awakens because of a pain in his arm, he sees before him a dragon’s claw. Much to his consternation he notices that whenever he moves, the claw moves. At first he thinks the dead dragon’s mate has come to avenge its death, but soon he realizes the truth. “He had turned into a dragon while he was asleep. Sleeping on a dragon’s hoard with greedy thoughts in his heart, he had become a dragon himself” (75). His transformation, of course, explains the pain in his arm: “the bracelet which fitted very nicely on the upper arm of a boy was far too small for the thick, stumpy foreleg of a dragon.” The pain this causes serves as an appropriate reminder to Eustace of his greed.

In Eustace Lewis illustrates the negative, egocentric effect greed has upon an individual. Such a person is useless (Eustace) to himself and to society. The greedy person is only interested in elevation of self and is more than willing to use others for his own advantage. Fortunately for Eustace he “sees” the light and is re-transformed, though only through an extremely painful experience. Unable to shed his dragon skin himself, Eustace submits to the fierce claws of Aslan and is reborn a new, whole person.”

Penned by: Tricia | 9 Comments »

:hello:
Sitting here, at my own ancient dinosaur of a computer, typing this post, feels extremely surreal. Wait, that’s a vast understatement. I can still barely believe it.
I am out of the shelter. Already it seems like some kind of creepy dream that wakes you from your sleep in the middle of the night to sit up and look around nervously, sure that the dream will follow you even into wakefulness. I hope I never in my life ever have to go through all of that again, or have to bring my children along for the terrible ride. Even now, I am not quite where I need to be in my life, but I will say that right now I temporarily have a stable, safe place to call my own. And I am no longer subjected to a person whose sole goal in life seemed to be to make myself and my two boys as miserable as possible. I feel calmer, more relaxed, a little more like myself. I hope to find the rest of the pieces of myself that have gone into hiding during this sad, lonely time, but I know I need to learn to be patient. It took almost six years to break me down completely, I cannot possibly expect to build myself back up immediately. But I am SO glad to have this journal back. (It was the strangest thing, I DID close this site down, then I guess it reappeared again, like magick. Maybe this site doesn’t want to be held down and told what to do, either. )
I want to say that I SO TOTALLY appreciate all of the messages and thoughts that came my way while I was gone. It will take me a bit to go through them, so please don’t feel bad if I haven’t replied to you yet. But ALL of you have meant the world to me while I was feeling so cut off from reality. I also will be redoing a few sections of my site. Who knows how long that will take. :LOL: For obvious reasons, I won’t really be talking too much about really personal stuff for a bit, but I will be posting as much as I can, and finishing my Seven Deadly Sins and whatnot. And I can’t WAIT to get back into reading ALL of your sites, old AND new! If any of you have changed URLs recently or anything, or if I forget to visit you in the next few weeks, please let me know? I lost all of my bookmarks (grr), so hopefully my link list is still up-to-date. (OK, I am just trying to sound normal right here in this paragraph, bear with me.)
The kids are doing as well as can be expected. Gregory has done a couple of school switches, but on the whole he is settling in nicely at the school he is curently in. Of course, he is older, so he understands a bit more, which makes it easier for me. He is happy to have it be just us. Donovan (who recently turned TWO YEARS OLD!! Oh, man, I can’t believe it, my little baby!) has had a bit of a tougher time, mostly transitioning into all the different places. But he already is calling this place home, and he wants to go to school just like his big brother.
Speaking of Donovan, he will probably wake up from his nap soon, so I better start wrapping this up. I have more to say, but I just wanted to make sure I let everyone know I was back, before I started getting stalked. :LOL: I just wanted to say thank you to the sweetest, most precious friend a girl was ever lucky enough to have, without whom not only would I have not had the courage to leave my situation, but I also wouldn’t be on here now telling you all about it. I love you, girl. And to two other wonderful ladies, it will be a great relief being able to talk to you guys again. :kissy:

Penned by: Tricia | 23 Comments »