Settling In?
I don’t know why I haven’t been blogging these past several days. Maybe I hit a block like Anitra. Maybe I just really haven’t had anything to say. I can’t even tell you. I do know that I have hit a bit of a slump, mood-wise, this past week. The sheer pleasure of FINALLY being by myself, without a bazillion people all around me in every room, and almost as many staff people peering over my shoulder, watching me, has begun to wear off, I think. The shock of once again being on my own, sleeping by myself, being able to feel comfortable in my own space, has begun to be replaced with loneliness, doubt, fear, and some more things that I can’t quite put a name too, yet.
Maybe I shouldn’t be feeling this way? Maybe I should just be happy I get a new chance at life? Of course I AM those things, but I can’t stop those other feelings from creeping in. All my life it seems, people have been telling me I won’t amount to anything. And I have been doing nothing but proving them right. How does one go about turning around an entire life’s projected course? Yeah, I don’t know either.
Sorry to be so morose. Hopefully it’s a passing thing. Anyway, on the GOOD side, the kids seem to be adjusting a bit better. Gregory wants to join the chess club. He is so dang smart. *beams* He also might start doing Cub Scouts. I’m not so sure, though, I don’t want him to be stretched too thin, but at the same time I know it’s good for him to stay busy, to get things back to normal. Donovan is now very much into coloring (“MY crayon-marker!” – yes, he does call every writing instrument a ‘crayon-marker’), playing outside (“MY stick! MY swing! MY coat!!”), Playhouse Disney (“Wiggles, Mama, look! Do da nooda-dance! Wiggles on? MY Wiggles!”) and cleaning (“MY mop, MY weep(sweep)! MY ponge(sponge)! Help, Mama?”) Yeah…every day is an adventure. :LOL: One thing I am very happy about is that I am beginning to be able to ENJOY the adventure again…slowly, but it is happening.
