Dreaming in the Dark
OK, so I decided the best thing for ME was to bring this blog back. This is my site, my words, and my life. I realize that a lot of what I have had to say lately has been depressing or glum, but that’s the way I have been feeling, and I refuse to lie about how I feel inside. If I can lie to all of you, it would make it that much easier to lie to myself. And, as I have begun to realize, the more I lie to myself and push feelings down and hide things inside, the more those same feeling insist on floating to the surface when I least expect it, throwing me for a loop and taking away all progress I thought I had made up to that point. I can’t allow anyone else to speak for me and how I feel.
After some back and forth that really doesn’t bear mentioning anymore, my girl and I have kissed and made up and moved on after learning a lot. I wish the whole thing hadn’t happened, sure, but the fact that we were able to work things out puts some of my faith back in people as a whole.
I want to publicly thank EVERYONE who e-mailed me, left comments, or messaged me about this issue, offering encouragement, support, shoulders, ears, and kind words. YOU are also one of the reasons I need to stay. You hold me up, lead me onward, and lend me strength to continue on my journey, and I am SO grateful to all of you, you will never know how much. Thank you all for sticking by me, even if you had conflicting feelings. I will be responding to each of you personally as I have time, please forgive me if it takes a few days.
I don’t really know what more to say right now, but I do know that I still have some heavy work ahead of me. It scares me a bit, but I will be exploring some issues that have been coming up for me in the coming weeks, and I am hoping that by putting them down in print the demons will be dispersed upon their un-merry ways and I can continue onward with my healing process.
