Manipulation Station
Have you ever noticed – REALLY noticed – yourself acting in a certain particular way JUST to try to get the type of reaction you want out of someone else? We all have done it. We all do it. You pick and choose specific words or actions that you know will get the reaction you desire. I’m not talking about the GOOD ways in which this can work, such as in pep talks or motivational speeches, I’m talking here about your average passive-aggressive manipulative bullcrap.
You are irritated and want some conflict to let off steam, so you say or do the one thing you know will most likely annoy someone into an argument. Instead of just talking about the issue that’s bothering you. You want your child to do chores, but instead of sitting down with them and letting them help you come up with solutions, you bribe, manipulate, and threaten. You are in a relationship with someone, and you aren’t “thrilled” with it, so instead of just coming right out and saying so, you decide to act just self-centered enough so that SHE pulls away and wants to end the relationship. Voila! The responsibility for YOUR own feelings is taken off of your shoulders and placed squarely on someone else’s, and that other person is left wondering where THEY went wrong because YOU were too scared to be honest.
Have you ever figured out when someone is using this same tactic on you? And that, if you feed into THEIR manipulation, you end up being the one taking the action, and the one taking the blame, AND the one feeling badly about how things are working out, or badly about yourself, as if you have done something wrong in the relationship. And the first person now does not have to take responsibility for their own words or actions, because the focus has been shifted away from them, most of the time without the other person even being aware that it happened. Pretty neat trick, huh?
Why do we DO these things? Is there some written law in our society that says we are not capable of being responsible for our own feelings, thoughts, and actions? That we have to have someone else to put them onto, because that’s the only way we can deal with it within ourselves? What a bunch of crap. It’s no wonder so many people today are so emotionally dysfunctional and damaged. I won’t say I have any clue how to fix this, because I have done and do the same things, but one thing I AM learning is to RECOGNIZE when I fall into these “playing games” modes, or when someone else is attempting to do it to me. I think that might be at least one baby step in the right direction.
