You know, I usually don’t make a habit of posting anything overtly political or religious in this particular forum, mostly because I have extremely strong opinions on some issues, and I refuse to inadvertently offend someone and end up having conflict on my site. This is one of the very few peaceful refuges I still possess.
But, let me tell you, I just have to get a few things out. For those of you who may not know, currently I am residing in a homeless shelter for victims of domestic violence, where I am provided with my own apartment that is run by the shelter and paid for by the shelter, until more permanent housing is acqired, usually in the form of section 8. Well, I had applied for my section 8 back in October, and being that I am homeless, should have gotten it rather quickly. In fact, I was supposed to have gotten it back in April. So why am I still here? Well, due to Bush’s tax cuts and frenzied overseas spending, Section 8 has been frozen in the state where I am living. And I found out yesterday that the freeze is effective until June 2004. 2004!! WHAT am I going to do until then?? The shelter is supposed to be a maximum year and a half program. Obviously, they won’t just kick all of us out, but what about the other women needing shelter, needing to leave their situation? The regular shelters are already filled to capacity, with nowhere to send the women on to after their stay there is done. Not only is this an awful situation for me, I can’t help thinking about all the women who may not even get an opportunity to leave now. As for me, I am going to be stuck here in a tiny town with no car (and believe me, there are NO jobs here), under the thumb of an organization that revels in trying to run my life. All because some fanatic needs to fund his stupid war, and has some idiotic belief that tax cuts for the wealthy will somehow magically create more jobs for those of us who cannot find one or who lost one. *rolls eyes*
I think I am much to angry to formulate a coherent statement about all this, but it’s ok, because Arianna Huffington has said brilliantly what I cannot at this time. In the ‘more’ section, I have posted an article in its entirety pertaining to this issue. I apologize for this brief rant, and will return you to out regularly scheduled drollness shortly. :biggrin:

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Penned by: Tricia | 7 Comments »

I didn’t even realize it had been so long since my last entry. I feel almost like I am going through the motions of living in some kind of daze, my mind clouded with a kindly, hazy mist. I think it’s just my own way of dealing with my depression right now. It might not be the best course of action, but I confess I would rather feel hazy than sad.
Gregory’s birthday was on Saturday, and, although it was raining, it went quite well. I had to get a bit creative in getting him presents, because what he WANTED was GameBoy Advance games. I don’t think I had mentioned it on here, because I was so upset about it, but Gregory managed to lose his not only his GameBoy Advance, but every single game that went along with it. Apparently the last time we went to the laundromat, he left behind his tote bag with all those things inside, and noone seemed to be kind enough or ethical enough to turn it in.
So, yes, I am pretty upset. I was even extremely angry. But, I had to step back and look at it more as a lesson for him in responsibility. Yes, I paid quite a bit of money for all of that stuff. And it sucks. And I don’t have the money to replace even the GameBoy, much less the games that went with it. But even if I could replace it, I would not. This is not the first time my daydreamer-boy has left behind something valuable or important. I have no idea when or if he will learn to remember things without me right behind him reminding him, but it needs to be soon. As much as it pains me to witness his disappointment in himself, all I can do is be there for him. Does anyone know of any suggestions to help him improve his memory in these matters? Other than never buying him anything valuable? :LOL:
I really feel proud of myself for the way I handled things regarding this issue, as well. I kept my temper, and although I fully expressed my anger and disappointment, I made it VERY clear that my feelings were for his ACTIONS, and not him, and that I wanted to help him. Not that it did much good for his smart mouth. The last time I mentioned his GameBoy, he promptly told me to “stop bringing that up.” Excuse me?? LMAO. I guess not every problem can resolved in a day.
So I ended up buying him a laser tag game, which he and the neighbor kids have been playing incessantly, and the steady BEEP BEEP of the chest targets is quickly going to drive me insane. And I got him an electronic pinball game, and then just a few small extra things. Not much for a 10th birthday, but he seems happy. That’s all that matters to me.

Penned by: Tricia | 4 Comments »

Well, I was in quite a dirge-ful mood last night, n’est-ce pas? I still am, pretty much, but I woke up this morning, and I suppose that accounts for something.

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Penned by: Tricia | 2 Comments »

I feel as though I am falling through swirling clouds of blackest night, tumbling towards a fate I dare not contemplate. My mind is a seive, letting go of a thought almost before it completes its formation. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Worse, I am not even sure I WANT to know. WHY can my mind not just allow me to be content? I don’t necessarily need to be happy, not yet, but content would be a damn good start. But no, as soon as I begin to feel contentment envelop me like a warm blanket, something inside my head orders me to withdraw, retreat, run away as if the blanket were possessed of the most vile creature imaginable.

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Penned by: Tricia | 5 Comments »

I’m not really sure what has been going on with me lately. I just can’t seem to keep myself in a pleasant mood. I snap at people, I isolate myself from the outside, even online. Even the spring flowers blooming all around fail to cheer me, because I find myself thinking more often than not about how they are just doing their annual “HEY, look at me, I’m blooming! I’m beautiful! I’m…..dead!” dance. I find myself having less and less to say on here. Wondering more and more if I should just let this go. But I know I can’t. Somewhere, inside, there are still words. I just have to figure out how to pry the bricks loose from the wall.
I guess my feeling this way makes me more irritated because right now my life isn’t really that bad. My kids are healthy and safe, I have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and now I have something that is ALMOST a job ( :LOL: ). The cyber cafe where I was doing my internship has decided to take me on as a volunteer, but with a small stipend attached to it, until I find a job. It might not be much, but for me it is pretty exciting, and it is just good to have a reason to get up in the morning.
G is going to be TEN years old on the 24th! (Hint: cards and/or gifts would be nice…hehehe) I just can’t believe that I am going to have a child that is 10 years old. Wasn’t it just yesterday that he was this little 7-pound 4-ounce bundle with feet no longer than my forefinger? And now he is wearing size men’s 8 shoes. :huh: Time just keeps on marching onward, no matter how hard you wish it otherwise, doesn’t it?

Penned by: Tricia | 7 Comments »

I finally managed to make a new skin. This one was giving me a bit of trouble, so it took me longer to reveal it. I hope it works for everyone.

I have a few more in the works, too, so all of you who have been complaining that I don’t have any skins, be quiet. :LOL:
And Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow Mommies out there!! We all deserve the best. :kissy:
In the extended entry, I have written my first collab for the Alchera Project. I chose the following prompt:

Fiction/Option No. One:
There is first person (I, we), there is second person (you), and there is third person (he, she, it, they). Let us try experimenting with a whole new person: the collective point of view. Try your hand at the collective persona by writing a short story using the point of view of a group of people (at least three persons, but more if you’re brave). Word count requirement: let’s say, at least 500.

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Penned by: Tricia | 4 Comments »

The move to the new server appears to be complete, and most things are re-uploaded. I know a few things are missing, but those things I will be changing, in any case. Since I have unlimited databases on this new server, I am going to take advantage of some of them, such as with Movable Type. Yes, I have officially entered the world of the database-driven blog. F33r me. :LOL:
I decided to delete the previous entry. Too much of the “why can’t I find the right guy” mantra. What I really need to discover is why I keep wanting to choose the wrong men. What is it that I believe they can offer me that I cannot find within myself, or find with a GOOD man. The logical answer, of course, is nothing, but the heart rarely thinks logically. And until I can get my heart to understand its reasoning, I probably will never find the right man for me. So I think I will take Witchy’s advice, and just stop looking. Then maybe I will just happen to trip over the huge shoes of Mr. Right. :biggrin:

Penned by: Tricia | 5 Comments »

I just wanted to share one of my favorite “welcome Spring” songs. It comes from the musical version of The Secret Gardern, which is quite excellent. The words are in the extended entry, and if you want to hear what the song sounds like, I have it available here. This is from the original Broadway Cast Album, and the actor playing Dickon is John Cameron Mitchell.

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Penned by: Tricia | 1 Comment »

Well…it seems like a terribly long time since I have been here. Truth is, I have been exhausted. My internship is going well, and I am quite enjoying it. It has been beautiful outside, and I have taken to walking the mile and a half to go pick up the baby from daycare, then it is another mile to walk back home. Of course, my cortisone shots for my heel spurs have decided to wear off, so my feet are in excruciating pain, but still I walk. Then, when I get home, I am pretty much too tired to do anything else but make dinner for the kids, and raise my finger to change the channel. I sign online, get my mail, open up Movable Type, and my eyes start closing. :LOL:

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Penned by: Tricia | 3 Comments »