The Cookie Man
First, I just want to thank Michele for saying such very kind words about me on her site. You are a terrific lady! 
OK, enough sappy stuff already!! I am trying to drag more readers here kicking and screaming gain new readers, not bore them to death in a dirge of melodrama. But I just have ONE more post about this subject, and then I think I will let up off of it for quite some time.
I had a rather illuminating talk with a new online friend of mine. She does a lot of tarot card readings, and from the few that she told me about she is generally quite good at “feeling things out.” So she asked me if I had a question, and of course I knew what I had to ask her. Not that I don’t already know the answers for myself. I guess it was just something I really needed to hear from someone else ( besides Lori, that is 
) who would “get” it. I need to get through this painful growth spurt before I go crazy.
So I give her the generalities of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly as it were, without revealing anything personal, just the basics. First words out of her keyboard were “Don’t do it. Put your foot down and don’t do it anymore.” She said first off, he’s a Druid, which pretty much automatically means he will go wherever the wind takes him. Generally in whichever direction will make his dick happiest. That my common sense is so love blinded that I will continue to find myself in the same place because there is no incentive for anything to change. If he can’t find anything better at the time, he knows he always has me. If there IS something better, though, my name isn’t even on the vaguely remembered list.
I swear this woman has a brilliant flair for analogies. she basically was saying “he will want it to stay the way it is and you will be weak to it because he knows how to push all your little buttons to make you melt.” Which is SOOO true. Then she broke out with “that’s like a diabetic buying sugar cookies and laying them on the table… saying… oh they are for the kids…ok, but do you need to have 10 dozen cookies laying there?”
How damn appropos is that?? I KNOW I can’t have him, yet I continue to allow him into my heart and my home, knowing I can’t have him, knowing he doesn’t want me to come any closer than this, yet allowing it to happen anyway. “Don’t let the sweets in the house if you can’t have them!” He knows how to push my buttons, yet he can’t be bothered to do so unless there is nothing better. As soon as the wind changes so will what he wants.
“Toss that cookie in the trash! It’s bad for you!” I need to get myself a battery operated boyfriend (BOB), then, if anyone asks if I am seeing anyone, I just tell them, “Sure, his name is Bob!” He may not take out the trash, but he will allow me to become happy and content with my kids and my LIFE. I don’t need a man, or sex, or any relationship, to make me whole. I will still be his friend, but that is now enough for me. It’s not an “either date me or I won’t be your friend” kind of thing. It’s a “be my friend because of who I am and don’t play games” kind of thing.
So, see, I knew a year and a half ago what was good for me when I backed off from this person. I just needed this moment of weakness to remind me of the reasons why I did that to begin with, and now I need to get back to doing what is right for ME and my life.
Then the one for me will find me…and he won’t be the cookie man.
