Dishonest
To answer the question raised, no, that post down there is not a work of fiction. more’s the pity. Thank you for your support.
I. HATE. Liars.
What the hell is it that makes a person pretend to be something they are not on the internet?? OK, yeah, whatever, I know all about the whole fantasy crap or whatever. But I am talking about willfully deceiving someone, making them believe you are something you are not, then being truly surprised when your ass is caught out.
Yes, I have become a victim of this behavior today. I know you are saying “w t f, Tricia, you’ve been on the internet for 8 years. do you not know by now to not let yourself get too caught up with someone?” Yes. I know. But in that 8 years I have never had a serious friendship or anything else with someone that lied on that caliber. Just lucky, I guess. I mean, not everyone I have met has been GREAT, but at least they were honest about it. Is it SO wrong that I try to give people the benefit of the doubt? Not at first. But after days of wonderful conversations and laughter and sharing, and really feeling a genuine connection, how else am I supposed to take something? Then when I find out, you come up with some shit like you didn’t know I was going to turn out to be so great, and you forgot you sent me a bogus pic at first??? Am I REALLY that lonely and desperate that I am going to start falling for this type of bullshit??? Hell no.
I am who I am, I am not capable of being someone else, even for show. I have never sent anyone a fake picture of me. It wouldn’t even occur to me. If you don’t like me, you just don’t. How much MORE would you not like me if things progressed and you started thinking something was there, then found out I sent you some fake pic and that I don’t look anything like that? And no, it’s not about looks at ALL. If you are going to lie about something as big as that, what ELSE are you lying about? What other deceits have you practiced upon me that I in my naivetee have accepted as truth, while for all I know you are behind your monitor laughing your ass off at how easily I am playing into your hands. Well, you got caught, and now everyone can laugh at YOU. Fuck you.
You know, after I found this out today, I just started bawling. The whole time I am thinking to myself, “What the HELL am I crying for? I don’t even know this guy.” Then it hit me. It wasn’t about this new person at all. It was about HIM. It’s ALWAYS about HIM. No matter how much bravado I slung around in the Cookie Man post, it was all just a bunch of crap. For better or worse, my heart has been given away, and it refuses to be taken back. And there are no magic answers to that conundrum. And what’s worse, I, in my selfish need to find an answer to my OWN issues, hurt HIM in the process, and made myself look like a selfish ass. Way to go.
You know what, I think I will keep my unrequited love. If that means I will be alone for the rest of my life, so be it. At least it’s the kind of bullshit I KNOW. NEW bullshit is not worth the time it takes to type the words KISS MY ASS.
