Sometimes I wonder

why we even live at all

with all the pain and all the strife

and obstacles too tall.

I wander through the days and years

beneath a cloud of gloom

I do not want to have it there

but its weight has been my doom.

I wish that I was never born

to feel such emptiness

to bear society’s hate and scorn

and utter callousness.

Some say that I should just get up

and stop my whine and groan

do they believe that I prefer this?

no, I hate it to the bone.

This low has trapped me in its jaws

and no matter what I try

it keeps on holding tighter

till all i can do is cry.

Gawd, I cannot shake this horrific depression. I just sleep all day, I don’t even want to interact with the kids, although I keep trying, since I am the only one HERE for them. Let’s see, it’s Friday at 11pm. Of COURSE Corey isn’t here. Yeah, I know, I’m a fucking door mat. I just don’t know what to do. It was always so easy for me to get a job before. Now I have been on several interviews, and they don’t even bother to call me back, for pete’s sake. It’s hard enough for me to ge OUT there lately, I swear I am starting to develop some sort of agorophobia. I never want to leave the house. I would be perfectly happy staying inside in bed all day every day lately. But deep down I hate it. Deep down I hate ME. Who I am. Who I have allowed myself to become. And staying here with HIM helps it NOT. I am so SICK of crying EVERY DAY. Will this EVER get better???????

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Categories: Miscellany