Gregory’s first day of third grade was yesterday. He was SO excited. I had to smile just watching him set his alarm the night before, then getting up as SOON as it went off (wonder of wonders!), getting himself dressed, breakfast eaten, teeth brushed, and face washed all before 8:00am! He was so adorable, he even put some Pink Oil in his hair. (gawd, it is getting SO long, he really needs a haircut before he grows a bona-fide afro hehe!) I wonder how long this will all last?? Haha. Anyway, I don’t know if the seriousness of being in third grade has really set in yet. He won’t get any homework until Tuesday, so he has a little bit of a reprieve, although I HAVE started having him read for the required 20 minutes after school already. Thank goodness I had picked up that egg timer, it makes it a lot easier for him to sit and read for that amount of time if he can SEE how much time he has left.
I don’t know why I am so depressed about it, though. Maybe because I am reminded of how much older I am becoming, and still going virtually nowhere in my life. My whole life is the kids. I know that’s not healthy. I really have no interests outside of them, no friends to pick up and go anywhere with, not even a boyfriend who takes me out anywhere or even takes the kids out somewhere so I can get a break, nothing to do but sit here and wait until one of them needs something. Hmmmm, that’s kind of sad and pathetic.
[RANDOM-ASS RANT ABOUT VIRTUALLY NOTHING] OK, I admit it. I’m the world’s biggest idiot. EVERY freaking time he tells me a new line, I fucking believe that crap. Then he just acts like everything is hunky-dory, he gave me a kiss or some ass and everything’s great again AND HE JUST GOES OUT AND DOES THE SAME SHIT ALL OVER AGAIN. And I sit home ALONE and go “what’s going on?” like a complete dork, like I don’t already frigging KNOW what is going on with his selfish ass. He wants to do whatever the HELL he wants whenever he wants, with no thought to anyone but HIMSELF, forget a girlfriend, never mind two kids, fuck RESPONSIBILITY, he’s gonna get his. Does he REALLY think those hos like him for anything other than his new car??? Cause there isn’t much more TO him to even like. He won’t even buy his ONE YEAR OLD son a fucking CRIB!!!! I should put one on my freaking wishlist (HA not like anyone is reading this or cares to buy me one, but what the hell, everyone else is a wishlist whore LoL). And I go out there day after day going on interviews and not getting CRAP. Connecticut sucks big hairy ones for jobs lately. Holli hasn’t found anything either. I can feel myself sinking even further into this depression. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t want to be on the computer. I don’t want to chat or talk to anyone. I don;t want to be AROUND anyone but my kids. Gee, maybe cause those are the only people I am EVER around for 90%+ of every damn day?? Sometimes I feel like they are the only people in the world who know or care that I even exist. Then I want to slap myself for being selfish, because I start feeling like that’s not enough. Like I need MORE from life. If I am going to BE with a partner, I need a PARTNER, not a fucking roommate (cause that’s how he acts) that causes more stress than he is worth. I’m not even sure why I am writing this, except I am in great need a a major catharsis, and maybe if I keep writing about the crap that is really going on, I’ll wake up and smell the musty armpit that is my life and get the hell outta dodge and over to the deodorant. LoL, OK, I made myself smile at least with that corny joke. Guess I’ll go to my lonely bed now. [/RANDOM-ASS RANT ABOUT VIRTUALLY NOTHING]