It’s raining. Not the thunderstorming, booming crashing type of rain. But the light, gentle, meditative type of rain that pitter-pats softly on the windowpanes like a mischievious faery spirit. It has had the effect of putting me in quite a contemplative, melancholy kind of mood. Thinking about what it is I want and need out of my life. I know that the way my life is right now, I am NOT getting those things. Time for change. The prospect of change is scaring the hell out of me. But hey, I guess turning 30 could be a great big kick in the pants for me life-wise. If only I can learn how to LET it.
Anyway, moving on, I have been realizing lately how much I miss doing theater. Not that I was ever really star-quality material, in fact I mostly did ensemble and chorus work, but I greatly enjoyed the whole experience, and I put so much of myself into it. I can remember the sights, sounds and smells. The exhilaration of finally learning my lines, the laughter shared, the smell of pancake makeup and baby wipes and paint and sweat and excitement and nervousness.
I did many, many performances during the time I did theater, both musical and straight. But, I think by far one of my most favorite performances was doing A Midsummer Night’s Dream with some friends of mine. It was a very busy performance for me. I was the stage manager, one of the faeries, as well as Philostrate. *whew* It also meant for me several costume changes, and much scrubbing of glittery makeup. But I loved every minute of it. The production was small, and it was directed by my friend Lori (she also made the Donkey mask – she makes the most AMAZING masks…I think I need to take a picture of the one she gave me…it is of the triple goddess). We did our own costuming, which turned out so awesome. We turned it into a semi-musical, adding music to some of the verses, and even adding in a song to liven things up. We didn’t get a huge crowd, but it was still a rousing success, and we were even asked to perform it later that year as entertainment for some function that was being held outside. I think THAT was our crowning performance. Even though it was weird to do costume changes in a makeshift tent-like structure, I think the play was done much justice by being outdoors.
Anyway, the point of this I guess is that I have turned away or left behind so many of the simple pursuits that once made me so happy. I need to find a way back to those things, ALL of them…including my drawing and writing. Maybe then I will be able to withdraw myself from this mind-numbing ACCEPTANCE of the world around me, this unwillingness to take a chance and make a change. Maybe I should at least take out my Broadway musical cd’s, and sing them at the top of my lungs, no matter how rusty my voice. Bring back a little bit of those happier times. Remind myself that I AM still….ALIVE…after all.
Daily Affirmation:
Be the change you are trying to create. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Spread the love
Categories: Miscellany

1 Comment

hoopty · March 16, 2002 at 2:55 pm

isn’t that what memories are for? mental pictures of how you have lived your life…..good and bad. that makes you a stronger, worldly person. it’s cool.

Comments are closed.