Changes

Well, here is a new layout. Sheesh, I was such a baby about it all. Agonized for hours over the coding, then changed my mind about uploading it a half a dozen times. LoL. I miss my lady of the field a bit though, but I think she needs some rest. Maybe I will bring her out again sometime, like a lovingly worn old cardigan sweater, soft and fuzzy with many washings.
I hate change. Maybe even more than hate. I DESPISE it. I really don’t know why. Except that change – any kind of change, even a simple layout change – scares the hell out of me. I am always thinking: “Is this the right decision? What if I’m wrong? What will people think? What will I think of myself? Will I have regrets? Will this ruin my life?” Yeah. I really truly think like that. Years and years of conditioning have brought me to this point. And the change I need to make to alter this thought pattern/behavior is proving to be the toughest obstacle of all. Habits die hard. Most of you probably already know this. I don’t have any of the usual vices that people sometimes hate so much. I don’t smoke (EWWWW), I don’t drink (I fall down after about one drink), I don’t do drugs (did pot a few times, really can’t get down with it), I used to bite my nails, but I don’t anymore (well, I changed ONE thing…). But I have these…mental habits. Bad ones. And the road to changing them has so far been paved with thistles – large, pointy ones. But I am here to say that I am going to KEEP trying…as best I can.
Today it SNOWED. On the first day of Spring. Hardly any snow ALL Winter, then in the past few days it has snowed TWICE. It’s not staying, but it has been beautiful. Soft flakes of white blanketing the stark branches of trees, as if the Goddess was enveloping them in Her gentle embrace. Windowpanes moistened by Her frosty kisses. Baby looking out the window as if the falling snow were the 8th wonder of the world, and the most perfect thing he had ever seen. That look of innocent amazement on his face is worth every hardship it took for me to be in this place. I wouldn’t trade my kids for ANYTHING. Even when they scream for 20 minutes straight or complain endlessly about this, that, and the other thing. *grin*
But then, once again, I find myself wishing things could just stay the same…*sigh*. Am I the only one?
Hmmmm…I can’t think of anything else to say right now. Ain’t that a bitch? LoL =D
Daily Affirmation:
It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. ~ Charles Darwin