Thanks so much for everyone’s offers of help with the skinning, I think my host and I have determined that it is a server-related problem, and hopefully by the end of the week she will get on tech support’s butt to figure out what exactly the problem is. Sooo…I might not be a coding loser, but then again, we have no way of knowing yet, do we? :nyah:
I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I just feel like crawling into my bed and hiding from the world. I didn’t even take the babies to playgroup today. I was going to, was on my way out, actually, then I couldn’t find my keys, and by the time I found them I just didn’t feel like going, then I sat on the couch and burst into tears. What the heck? I haven’t even been able to cry in literally months, and something like this makes me lose it? I know I have been suppressing a lot of stuff lately, but I guess I didn’t realize it was bubbling this close to the surface. I haven’t even called to get myself back into couselling and back on medication. The phone is one of my worst phobias. I am extremely uncomfortable just picking up the phone and calling someone, even someone I know, but it’s 20 times worse with someone I don’t know at all. I suppose it’s a part of the bad social anxiety I seem to be afflicted with, but I am having the hardest time just accomplishing the first baby step, which is the medication that I KNOW will help even with this issue. Then, the more I avoid the issue, the more I berate myself for not doing it, which makes me shy away from doing it even more. :huh: Sarah was saying something very similar to this, maybe that’s what got me thinking about it. It is such a weird, vicious cycle, this depression, and someone who has never experienced it can never possibly understand that it is NOT possible to just “get over it” or “get back up and keep trying” over and over again. Little things knock you on your ass. And you can’t even explain why. You feel so worthless and small that nothing anyone can say can make any difference. You feel like making a hole in the blankets and burrowing in to sleep forever.
Gee, I am not really sure where this post came from. I don’t really feel any better, I just had a compulsion to put something in this empty MT box.
Oh, and even though I already told her yesterday on the actual day, Happy Birthday Kari! 😀

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Categories: Miscellany


Gina · April 25, 2002 at 1:04 pm

and I’m sure it being full moon tomorrow doesn’t help much either…I know I get riled up around full moon…

Bliss · April 25, 2002 at 8:45 pm

My boyfried takes medication for his depression and I have learned more about depression being with him than what I learned getting my degree in psychology. I feel where you are coming from and I hope that you can find the strength, on a good day, to get the help you will need on those bad days.
Be well and take care

lynn · April 26, 2002 at 3:26 pm

this comes from someone who knows what you are going through, Tricia.. believe me..
and when you are ready to make that call? you will.. I just know it. *hugs*

Emerald Sky · April 27, 2002 at 10:43 am

Hang in there kid!

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