First off, let me apologize to those people awaiting my part of the Story-Go-Round. I realize I am behind, and I am working on it, and my next post WILL be my part of the story, no later than Friday evening, I promise. A lot of stuff has been going on with me which has not been conducive to thinking properly, but I will no longer allow myself to use that as an excuse.
So now, on to what I have been wanting to talk about. Today, it has officially been nine days since I totally weaned the baby. And yes, I am talking about weaning from the breast. l thought I would feel relief, feel a bit more free. Why, then, so I have this empty, BEREFT feeling? I know it was time to do this. Donovan is 20 months old, he is extremely healthy, he’s a total bruiser (currently 36 inches tall and almost 32 pounds – the size of an average THREE-year-old), and our nursing times were becoming much more infrequent even on their own, sometimes only once every 2-4 days.
In most ways, I feel I have done the best I could, and I feel like I should feel lucky I even got the chance to breastfeed him at all, considering all the troubles and the almost-giving-up we had in the beginning. But then another part of me feels like I am cruel and heartless when he looks up at me so sweetly with that little smile, trying to lift up my shirt and asking “Boo? Boo?” And I wonder if I should have just let the nursing take its course, let it progress to a more natural end. Since I am home right now, I could do that still. Maybe this, coupled with the fact that Gregory is going to be nine years old in a little over two weeks, has given me an acute case of “Mommy-itis,” with the added side affect of “Wanting-to-hold-back-time-ache.”
The events in my personal relationship over the past few months have led me to the conclusion that Donovan is most likely going to be my last child, whereas before I always thought I would have at least one more. So this ending is even more bittersweet in its very possible permanence. Or maybe, even though he still needs me a lot, I just feel jealous that he doesn’t need me for “everything” anymore. :huh: Is that awful?
I never thought I would enjoy nusing so much. I mean, I nursed Gregory, but I got really sick when he was 4 1/2 months old, and I had to wean out of necessity because I had to be on medication for several weeks. I never regretted stopping with him until several years later, when I think I first began to realize what a wonder breastfeeding is. I was SO determined to have that experience again that I worked day in and day out to help Donovan latch on properly when he was having troubles, even when his doctor was against us. And we succeeded so well. I guess this is just a pretty big change, in a time where ANY change to me is a scary thing, terrifyingly unknown, and endings are to be avoided at all costs. I just wish I knew how long I could expect this period of adjustment to last. :confused:
Categories: Miscellany
9 Comments
Eboni · May 8, 2002 at 9:40 pm
You know when you breastfeed it release some hormone that is like a drug that gives you this buzzes high feeling. This is to get you hooked on and keep you breastfeeding, because with orginal man there were not alternatives, so to keep primative women breastfeeding this little trick of nature was envented. It also helps you feel more attached to the baby etc. I think if you watch nature channel this occurs in a lot of mammals. Once you kick your habit for the drug and the familiarity of it, you’ll be cool 🙂
Sue · May 9, 2002 at 8:14 am
(((((((((((((Tricia)))))))))))))
Bliss · May 9, 2002 at 2:18 pm
You may want to breastfeed your baby forever, but there are consequences for this as well. At 20 months your baby is going on 2. At age two, declaration of independence and exploring the outside world for themselves is very important for toddlers. Dependence on your breast for nourishment and comfort can hinder this progression toward independence.
Lady Phoxxe · May 9, 2002 at 5:48 pm
I think you made the right decision:)
Nice site!
ConsciousMother · May 9, 2002 at 5:51 pm
Gabe just weaned a few months ago. He was about 30 months. He mainly just stopped asking–I’m pregnant and stopped producing milk. But occasionally he looks at my breasts with a wistful expression that just breaks me!
I know it was not forced and gentle and he’s ok, and I was ok with it and even looking forward to it because pregnancy made me sore, sore, sore. But its a physical attachment, a bonding, and even tho all good things come to an end, I’ll miss it.
Anyway, just my long way of saying: I know how you feel 🙂
Kari · May 10, 2002 at 2:55 am
You know my theory on breast feeding. You know the consequences of NOT breast feeding (points at self with a HUGE oral fixation) LOL. Girl…I’m glad you wrote about this finally. I love it when you share so openly like this. And I’m envious…of baby AND you combined. That bond…is going to only get stronger as a result of the bond you dared to share with child. I’m so very proud of you trish the dish.
Love you.
Tricia · May 12, 2002 at 1:19 pm
Thanks so much to everyone for your comments. I don’t feel TOO much better yet in my heart, but I do know in my head at least that I made the right decision for both of us.
*(*(*hugz*)*)*)* :lovey:
Tashia · May 12, 2002 at 8:55 pm
Happy Mommy’s Day Tricia Wicia!!! *huggz*
If you need a breast sucked though I can make myself available. 😛
Rikki · May 12, 2002 at 10:26 pm
Happy Momma’s Day, Tricia!! *hugs* and I know how you feel, even though I didn’t breastfeed. Jules is getting so dayum independent!! I can’t take it!! Where is my BABY??? Love ya gurl!
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