We played around with the camera a little more in the light, and BOY, what a difference it made! I still need to take a few more of the baby, he was asleep when we did these, but I thought you guys might appreciate some of these pictures.
What are you looking at?
You know you want to look again
This one’s for you, C
Me and my big birthday boy
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. Mine is not so great. Boring. And lonely. Really, noticably lonely, especially with no phone (no, the phone has not been turned back on yet 😑 ). I was talking to Kari earlier, and as always she managed to keep me in check without making me feel like I am crazy or stupid. I asked her if I was feeling more lonely because someone is SUPPOSED to be here, and they aren’t, and would I feel any LESS lonely when I am gone from here, and there ISN’T supposed to be anyone with me? I was really thinking this might be true, but she said something that made me realize it was probably just wishful thinking. She said it just makes more sense that way so that it is easier for us to swallow. Logic always has a way of talking us out of feeling lonely, as if you don’t have a right to feel it even when you do.
I feel like it is even more extreme for me, because C was all I have had for years. I don’t have anyone else. And please don’t tell me I have my kids. I KNOW I have them, but they don’t keep me from feeling lonely at ALL, in fact, they make me feel MORE isolated at times, because I am not free to pick up and go out or meet some friends or even just take a walk by myself. And children are not companions. I can’t talk to them about world events in-depth, I can’t talk about vibrators or drinking or bars or make stupid “Jerry-Springerized” jokes. I do have certain people online that I can talk to about those and other interesting subjects, and I love them all dearly, but those times are few and far between and not face-to-face, which, when it comes right down to it, DOES make some difference.
I’m not saying I need a partner. Hell, that’s the LAST thing I want or need right now. But, I just feel that, so many people tell you that self-love is all you need, but have some of those people ever really TRULY been lonely, without ANYONE around them? Just how far can self-love go if there isn’t any outer validation whatsoever?
On a side note, I never did figure out the &*%# clickable smilies in the Individual Archive Index template thing. But, as a good friend pointed out, how many people actually make comments once the post scrolls off the screen? I might just take them out of those templates altogether. In fact, I don’t even really know why I keep the individual pages there, they just take up space. πŸ˜€

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Categories: Miscellany


rowz · May 27, 2002 at 8:09 am

coo…they work
You know Tricia, “I have TRULY been lonely, without ANYONE around them”
I left a 6 yr relationship, because really we were not getting along. I was scared shitless, geez I can’t even explain properly… After another year my-ex came ’round knocking at the door, not having a physical/emotional contact with another I thought I was lonely, so I let him in. It’s then that I became pregnant with my son.
Ya know by then, it was too late. I had my taste of independance, and to be with my ex meant sacrifices. Not serious sacrifices, they were just little things. I wasn’t ready to give that up. So I was more alone than before, pregnant…depressed as fuck…but independant. I couldn’t rely on my family (you know how they are) and my friends were wrapped up in their lives (rightly so) persuing careers or university. Hell I didn’t even have a computer at that time..
Yes, times were tough. Financially, emotionally, physically, but I made it through it all. That period in my life changed me forever Tricia. It has made me a stronger individual all around yes, but it also has changed the dynamics of any relationships I have now. Though I was single for awhile by choice.
I’ve learned that I can still maintain a “Me” within a relationship. That yes, we can do things for our significant other that make them smile and please them, but I learned that I deserve that in return.
I deserve no less.
There is a wonderous feeling in knowing that although you may love someone with all you heart and soul, and yes the loss of a relationship with them may be painful, you “KNOW” you can go on. I know it may seem like I’m talking shit yadda yadda yadda, but one day Beautiful you will exactly what I’m talking about. And trust when I say it doesn’t happen over night. It does take time…
I’ve babbled in your comments long enough. Lemme get outta here and get Mya to daycare.

rowz *again* · May 27, 2002 at 8:13 am

forgot something…
:kissy: :lovey: :kissy:
Imma fan forever!

hoopty · May 27, 2002 at 2:17 pm


Die · May 27, 2002 at 4:22 pm

Hey! ive been looking at your site and printing info on it! its been really helpful, i read ur daily musings n stuff to, u have an interesting life =D lol well, just wanted to say hi!
Die(everyone calls me that)

Sue · May 27, 2002 at 7:53 pm

(((((((((((Tricia)))))))))))) thinking of you :hello:

charlee · May 27, 2002 at 11:21 pm

OMG! i love your design! your site is sooo gorgeous! it’s soo magnificent! i’m so jealous! keep up the great job okay! xoxo-seakitten

Kari · May 28, 2002 at 2:53 am

I just wanted to use a smilie. *sigh*. Tell me to go to bed. :batman: (does the batman theme)….wait.. there’s another one i wanna use… um… where are the poke ones that rowz has on her site???? :confused:
Love you. :lovey:

Brick · May 28, 2002 at 3:03 pm

Ummm, lemme try this again….
You have gaaaaawgus chillens girl…..
Okay, now….POST!

Phira · May 28, 2002 at 3:53 pm

I woke up this morning bitching and complaining because I found 15 hairs on my pillow. I’m going bald. I guess it’s to be expected with old age (sheesh Im only 32, gag) Anyway, I come visit your site daily Tricia and my balding head seems like nothing compared to the shit you put up with on a daily. *sigh*
Love ya girl, the site is moving right along.. Pretty soon you’ll have your own fan club! LOL
oh yeah, btw, the package WILL go out SOON!! I keep adding shit to it. It’s so heavy it’s gonna cost me at least 15 bucks to mail it.. LOL

ConsciousMother · May 29, 2002 at 1:59 pm

Can’t offer anything but a big hug, and hoping the last few days have given you something to πŸ˜€ about!

Tashia · May 30, 2002 at 6:11 pm

My Tricia Wicia….Your kids are so damn adorable. Give them big huggy wuggiez from their Auntie Tashia. :lovey:
I know you need a hug too so here: *huggz*
A kiss as well: *muahz* :kissy: πŸ˜€
I wanna use some more smilies so umm, how about this one: :pirate: That’s ganXtah! LOL..
And ummm, i like this one: :nyah:
Guess that’s it.. :LOL:
Love you sweety…I’ma be around to talk to you real soon. I’m not always there when u call but I’m always on time. πŸ˜€

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