I’ve decided to do something a little different over the next week or so. I have a lot of personal garbage going on, some very scary stuff, some very sad stuff, some very not-so-nice stuff. It has become so hard to deal with this on the real life level that I just don’t feel it will do me any good to bring those things here. I may only have a very limited time left to be online before I will be forced to take an extended break, and I don’t want some of my last moments to be tarnished by needless junk.
So I came up with something that will probably end up being an interesting exercise in character. I am hoping to make this as honest and open as possible, even if I don’t like what the results are. Although I am no longer Catholic or even Christian, as should be pretty obvious by this site, there are many things from that faith that are worthy of contemplation and study. One of these things is the Seven Deadly Sins. While I view them in a completely different light, I still feel that all of these “vices” are things that we humans do that, done in excess, have very little moral or ethical value.
I decided to explore each one of these “sins” as they pertain to myself, and explore where I may display these vices within my life, either in the past or presently, and just kind of take it from there. I may look into how I can change some things, how I feel about a particular vice, or why it is that I have have acted upon a particular vice more or less at certain points in my life.
I feel that pride doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It depends on how far you decide to take it. You can take pride in your grades, your appearance, your children, your accomplishments. And you should. But if you start crossing the line of being proud of yourself to actually believing that the things you are so proud of make you somehow better or more worthy than ANYONE else…then you are guilty of the “sin” of pride.
That being said, I have never been much of a prideful person. Not because I am humble, but mostly because I am too busy putting myself down to be proud of anything that I do or have done. That is something I am NOT proud of, and I have been working for a long time to change it, and although the going is very slow, I think I may be alright.
But of course I have slipped into pride at times. It almost surprises me when it happens, because it seems to creep up on me. Is it like that for everyone? Is that how people end up getting in so much trouble over pride? It seems like a natural progression, and therefore can’t be wrong? Take the web, for instance. I am guilty of numerous deadly sins on the internet, and pride is just one of them. When I open my mailbox and see those MT comments, I can sometimes feel my head swelling. Especially if it happens to be a comment from a new person or someone I view as “important” in net society, or someone I have a lot of respect for. And don’t even get me started on how often I check my stats. How silly is that? I stop myself pretty quickly by saying things just like that, and I always remind myself that being popular online really isn’t important to me in the long run, but the fact remains that the thought comes to me in the first place, and there are some days when the thought is harder to push back than others.
I have some good kinds of pride, as well. I am proud of my kids. They are good kids. Smart. Sweet. Polite. Good-natured. Fiesty. Snuggable. All of that had to get some help from SOMEWHERE to develop. And since I am the only one here, it must be me, right? 😀 Sometimes I am even proud of myself for raising them so well despite all the crap I have been through and am going through.
I think pride has more to do with an insecurity within yourself, a need to look outside yourself for approval, and sometimes the more you get it, the more you need it, until it is some weird kind of drug, and it affects your mind in all kinds of ways, until you cannot function without it. Maybe that’s why I try to squash it before it can even get a hold. I don’t want to be that kind of arrogant, hateful person. Ever.