Well, Here I am with a brand spanking new layout, which I SO hope everyone likes, because I am particularly proud of this one, and a brand spanking new blog to match. Although the blog part wasn’t intentional. I haven’t the faintest idea what happened, but somehow my Movable Type installation got corrupted, and no amount of beating my head against the wall was going to fix it. I couldn’t even export my entries properly, so I am going to have to find the time to manually archive the ones I saved and make them available again at some point. It’s not really a priority for me though. I am taking this as a lesson in letting go.
I am SUCH a perfectionist. I want everything to be exactly as it should be, with everything in order, and everything in its place, everything matching, and all the pieces there. Wow, even typing it out like that makes it seem like an impossible task. And I know that it is impossible. I guess it goes along with my self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. It will never be perfect that way I think it should be, hence, I will never succeed. Hmm.
So, NOT having every single entry and comment from the past almost two years of blogging feels very difficult for me, but I know that I will survive it. And maybe I can learn to transfer this lesson over on to other things in my life that I have a hard time letting go of. Things. People. Relationships that are just no good for me. I tend to accumulate such various dusty things.
The class that I was taking is over now, and it is hard for me to let that go, as well. I have discovered how very much I want to go back to “real” school, as in for a degree, to soak up knowledge like a sponge and squeeze it back out into my life. I hope that this is going to be a goal that I will refuse to give up on. I want to learn how to let go. To let go of the chains of fear and uncertainty that are holding me back. To let go of the past mistakes, and raise my face up to the sun and let the fresh clean air of future possibilities swell my lungs to the fullest…