Happy Fun PussyTM!

Umm…I apologize if this post horrifies anyone, but it would NOT leave my mind until it came out. 😆

It’s Happy!
It’s Fun!
It’s Happy Fun Pussy^TM!
Absolutely FREE for humanoids of the female persuasion. For those of the male persuasion, prices and mileage may vary. Please call your nearest Happy Fun Pussy^TM owner for details.
Warning: One-Minute Wonder Dicks® should avoid prolonged contact with Happy Fun Pussy^TM, as this may result in immediate ejection from Happy Fun Pussy^TM, from which severe friction damage may occur due to the force of the ejection.
Caution: Happy Fun Pussy^TM will close up tighter than a drum if not handled properly. Your Happy Fun Pussy^TM will let you know in no uncertain terms what type of handling it requires.
Do not use Happy Fun Pussy^TM on sand.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Pussy immediately if any of the following occurs:

• Itching
• Oozing
• Burning
• Scabs
• Lice
• Sores
• If you see any kind of moving creature in the vicinity of Happy Fun Pussy^TM
• Heart palpitations
• If you cannot get along with Happy Fun Pussy^TM‘s Aunt Flo

Happy Fun Pussy^TM will let you know if it is being treated well. Continue using Happy Fun Pussy^TM if any of the following occur:

• Heavy breathing
• Incoherent moaning
• Sweating
• The calling of a name (unless, of course, it isn’t YOUR name, in which case it is advisable to immediately return your Happy Fun Pussy^TM for a refund or exchange)
• Dirty talking
• Any other type of encouraging movement or sound

Happy Fun Pussy^TM should be kept wrapped in silk, satin, lace, or cotton when not in use, unless, of course, your Happy Fun Pussy^TM prefers not to be confined.
Happy Fun Pussy^TM may react adversely to certain fabrics, materials, creams, powders, or other substances. Please use caution.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Pussy^TM.
Do not nick Happy Fun Pussy^TM with a razor.
Doing so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Pussy^TM, Wacky Mother Nature Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Cosmic Karma Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Do not insert non-human materials into Happy Fun Pussy^TM.
Happy Fun Pussy^TM has been given away and sold all over the world since time began.
Happy Fun Pussy^TM comes with a limited lifetime guarantee which does not cover premature closure due to figidity, dryness, or an inflated sense of holier-than-thou.
Happy Fun Pussy^TM! Accept no substitutes!