Umm…I apologize if this post horrifies anyone, but it would NOT leave my mind until it came out. 😆
It’s Happy Fun PussyTM!
Absolutely FREE for humanoids of the female persuasion. For those of the male persuasion, prices and mileage may vary. Please call your nearest Happy Fun PussyTM owner for details.
Warning: One-Minute Wonder Dicks® should avoid prolonged contact with Happy Fun PussyTM, as this may result in immediate ejection from Happy Fun PussyTM, from which severe friction damage may occur due to the force of the ejection.
Caution: Happy Fun PussyTM will close up tighter than a drum if not handled properly. Your Happy Fun PussyTM will let you know in no uncertain terms what type of handling it requires.
Do not use Happy Fun PussyTM on sand.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Pussy immediately if any of the following occurs:
- If you see any kind of moving creature in the vicinity of Happy Fun PussyTM
- Heart palpitations
- If you cannot get along with Happy Fun PussyTM‘s Aunt Flo
Happy Fun PussyTM will let you know if it is being treated well. Continue using Happy Fun PussyTM if any of the following occur:
- Heavy breathing
- Incoherent moaning
- The calling of a name (unless, of course, it isn’t YOUR name, in which case it is advisable to immediately return your Happy Fun PussyTM for a refund or exchange)
- Dirty talking
- Any other type of encouraging movement or sound
Happy Fun PussyTM should be kept wrapped in silk, satin, lace, or cotton when not in use, unless, of course, your Happy Fun PussyTM prefers not to be confined.
Happy Fun PussyTM may react adversely to certain fabrics, materials, creams, powders, or other substances. Please use caution.
Do not taunt Happy Fun PussyTM.
Do not nick Happy Fun PussyTM with a razor.
Doing so relieves the makers of Happy Fun PussyTM, Wacky Mother Nature Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Cosmic Karma Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Do not insert non-human materials into Happy Fun PussyTM.
Happy Fun PussyTM has been given away and sold all over the world since time began.
Happy Fun PussyTM comes with a limited lifetime guarantee which does not cover premature closure due to figidity, dryness, or an inflated sense of holier-than-thou.
Happy Fun PussyTM! Accept no substitutes!