I am still alive. I think. Some days it doesn’t feel like it. This is really hard, guys. Brutal. I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel helpless. At times hopeless. Cut off from everything, everyone. The kids are having a bit of a hard time adjusting. Gregory will be going to camp next week, though, so I hope that will help him. I am not able to access my site the way I would like. At the library here, you get EXACTLY 30 minutes, then you get logged off automatically. Barely enough time to read my mail, much less answer it or write a post, especially when the baby is awake. Luckily, today he decided to sleep, and Gregory is downstairs on the kid’s internet computers. So here I am. I still have things I want to write that I know I will be unable to at the moment, including finishing the seven deadly sins. I have lots of ideas, but no time. I cannot go on the internet at the shelter until I have been there for 30 days. :huh:
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you all how grateful I am that you are coming by to check in on me, and leaving me little notes. It is so encouraging, and it helps me to believe that maybe people haven’t forgotten me yet. :LOL: I really miss you guys, I miss coming to your sites, miss talking to you on AIM. I hope every one of you is well, your children are well, and that you really think on the good things in your life while you have them. Hopefully, I will be back in full force really soon, OK?
**[Edit 7/30/02]
I apologize for sounding a bit crazy in this post, I am stressed, and I guess I just forgot that most people really don’t know what is going on with me. I am currently in a homeless shelter, and the reason I can’t and won’t say where or for how long is because it is a domestic violence shelter. I am not going into any details at this time, as being in this crazy library doesn’t give me the time, but I have mentioned things here in this journal in the past, so if it is really all that interesting…..
Anyway, I am really going to make an effort to get here more and update, I think I need it. I have been feeling very alone, and as a result I isolate myself a bit when I really need to be reaching out. So…..I am going to reach and and touch y’all. ( Don’t get too excited, now :LOL: ) See you guys again REAL soon, OK? {/Edit]**
Categories: Miscellany
35 Comments
tiffani · July 22, 2002 at 6:20 pm
hey Tricia! i know we don’t know each other well but i just wanted to let you know that i’ve been through what you’re going through…i won’t go into details here, but just know that things will get better…and all of this will just make you a better person/mother/friend. it’s a humbling experience and to be honest i’m glad i went through those hard times. i wouldn’t be the person i am today if i didn’t. and mama, you’re the best mami….a bad mother would consider her shorties extra baggage and leave them behind…feel me. keep your head up and take notes, you’ll look back on them and smile trust me!
rowz · July 22, 2002 at 8:45 pm
how could we forget about you?!?
:lovey: :lovey: :lovey:
Miss you terribly!
The best Mommy in the World!
We’ll all be chattin’ again before you know it.
A’ight?
cool…
Keep on keepin’ on Tricia. Love you lots, kiss the boys for me.
C.C. · July 22, 2002 at 10:19 pm
I have no idea what happened, but I truly hope things turn for the better in your life and soon. Hang tough and keep looking for that silver lining.
:hello:
Romel · July 23, 2002 at 4:01 pm
Haven’t no one forgotten you ma..if anything you being away makes them miss you more including me.I still float past here hoping to see a post saying “hey everyone im back and fill me with love” lol.
I know things are ma but your a strong woman and you will get through them..because you are better then the “other” one. [smiles] So we will continue to come through and look and hope and wait until your return love..be safe and try to gather happiness!!Love ya much ma!!
Joyce · July 24, 2002 at 4:23 pm
I’ve been reading your Journal and some of the archives – I especially loved the Job Resume you wrote. I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself and coming upon your Journal helps put my personal situation in perspective. I hope things soon become better for you, and I will check back often to see how you’re doing. And, I’m also from Maryland (Gaithersburg).
:hello:
Phira · July 24, 2002 at 6:05 pm
You are missed girlfriend!!!
Tashia · July 26, 2002 at 11:18 am
I love you Tricia Wicia!!!!! And stop that about bein’ a bad mommy! Are you crazy gurl? A bad mommy would have left her kids in a bad situation. But no..You packed those bebe kids up and took them right along! And despite the situation ya’ll are in (still the best decision you could have made) they are right where they belong! With their bestest mommy!
I love you so much gurl. Think about you every day too! LIke Rowz said…soon it will go back to normal..And just maybe we will all be on that tropical island sippin’ on pina coladas…With no bebe kids though..That will be the one time we will leave them behind..Definitely mine included..ROTFL!!
*huggz* *kisses* And kiss my bebe kids and tell them Auntie Tashia loves them!
jess · July 26, 2002 at 3:02 pm
I know you’re strong, tricia. I’m not sure what happened either, and the last post kind of took me by surprise. I’ll still be checking back from time to time. Please be safe. We love you
drublood · July 27, 2002 at 1:03 am
Hang in there, mama…
Eboni · July 27, 2002 at 12:35 pm
I so have not fogotten you. You can still page me! or call my toll free business line.
I have had so many things going on. You know the drama that I had in my life, so that has only gotten worse :wah: But whatever. It will get better.
I know things will improve for you. I’m keeping you in all of my thoughts and prayers. Take care and don’t think people have forgotten you and don’t care. Never. Not for a second.
Gwendolyn · July 28, 2002 at 11:03 am
I wish I had the courage that you have.
Lilith · July 28, 2002 at 1:01 pm
I admire you. I have been reading your journal.. you have definitly been through alot lately. But, with everything thing around you changing… you keep on going strong.:cool:
I’m sure you children appreciate having a great Mommy who cares about them. 😀
Do what you need to do for yourself…. a few rounds with a punching bag never hurt anyone…. :LOL:.
You will be in my thoughts… and I will try to send some positive energy your way!
etcetera · July 28, 2002 at 5:13 pm
i’m blown away…beautiful site. thoroughly enjoyed 🙂 hehe
alex · July 29, 2002 at 10:38 am
NO WAY would we EVER forget you, chica. I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bran · July 30, 2002 at 2:06 pm
i still check in. i won’t forget you. 🙂 it’s ok, times are hard. you’re not a bad Mommy. you love your little guys.
SICKSIDER · July 30, 2002 at 5:29 pm
i have also been where you are. it’s hard. please don’t ever think that you are a bad mother. i went through that also. hang in there, and keep us posted. if no one has told you that they are proud of you today….remember that I am. taking the steps that you are taking is tough stuff. it’s hard to live in a shelter like that, it’s hard to leave a situation, it’s hard to start fresh. but you can do it. good luck and a happy new life to you.
Brick · July 31, 2002 at 11:15 am
I had no idea that was the reason behind your hiatus. I am so sorry. Please know that my thoughts are with you Tricia. You are so brave!
Lulu · August 1, 2002 at 1:34 am
Hi-
I’ve just dicovered your blog and I’ve been deeply touched by your posts… good luck with everything, better things are just around the corner
Bink · August 9, 2002 at 1:27 pm
I haven’t been to your page in a long time and I read this. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Is there anything I can do for you?
Emerald Sky · August 9, 2002 at 2:33 pm
We love you! 😀
Lisa B-K · August 9, 2002 at 11:09 pm
Just found this site via Christiane. I’m so, so sorry. Please hang tough. I’m thinking of you.
su(zi)e · August 12, 2002 at 12:04 pm
YAY! I am sooo happy to see the page back. Miss you loads honey!!
carla · August 21, 2002 at 1:32 am
I just came across your site and from what I read of your last post, I feel that words cannot accurately express my sympathy for you and what you are going through. Anyhow, I hope all is well. I encourage you to hang on and when you come through it as I am sure you will, you’ll be stronger and better than you have ever felt. Just don’t give up.
Jennifer · September 1, 2002 at 11:55 pm
:hello:
Thinking about you. Hope you’re doing okay.
Rashida · September 4, 2002 at 8:36 pm
Tricia, really hope that you and the kids are alright. I cannot possibly imagine the pain that you must be going through. They say, “It has to get worse, before it can get any better.” I pray for you.
drublood · September 5, 2002 at 9:55 pm
Wanted to send my thoughts again…hope all is well.
Tashia · September 6, 2002 at 12:32 pm
Just thinkin’ about ya my Tricia Wicia and wanted you to know that I love you so much. Hope everythang is goin’ ok for you and kiss my bebe kids for me!!!! Me loves you!!!! :bubbles: *muah*
lynn · September 7, 2002 at 7:55 am
I am so very very proud of you.. You are doing something very brave. It is difficult to pull yourself out of the situation you were in but you have done it!! You are a survivor!!!! *hugs*
erica · September 9, 2002 at 8:22 pm
Tricia – I just want to let you know I’m thinking of and praying for you.
christy · September 9, 2002 at 9:28 pm
I really hope you’re doing ok, and wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you and hope everything’s going alright…
Kari · September 11, 2002 at 11:45 pm
Gosh, I miss you. Days like today ya know…I just wanna hear your calm…and you always let me entertain you with all my drama…*sigh*. Hopefully soon. I hope everything is goin ok. Really ok, Tricia…not just bearable. Hang in there, and know you are loved and missed tremendously.
Tashia · September 17, 2002 at 7:48 pm
I miss you and love you Tricia.. I was thinkin’ of you and the kids so just had to send some virtual *muahs* :kissy: and *huggs*. Kari is keepin’ me posted so I’m with ya babe! *muah* :lovey:
Catherine · September 18, 2002 at 7:35 pm
Just ta let u know Tricia… I found your site and I’m deeply touched… It’s been about 2 months since your last post and people are still here. I owe a great deal to you, I finally found my perfect religion 🙂 I can’t wait until you come back and don’t worry, you’ll never be forgotten :lovey: Best wishes in life! :hello:
Phira · September 22, 2002 at 12:39 am
Tricia where are you? Are things o.k.? You’ve been silent for the past 2 months. I’m worried! I miss you girl! Lighting candles for you every day! take care of those precious little ones!!
Jessica · October 17, 2002 at 4:17 pm
Hey I just found your site, and don’t really know what is happening with you but i hope you get better.
Jess :huh:
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