Musings

Have you ever had a brush of intuition? I get them on occasion, and I am learning more and more to go with the flow. I got one this morning. Normally, during the week, I do not go online in the morning before I leave for the day. You know, too busy chasing after half-dressed kids trying to pry them into the rest of their clothing, trying to tame the hair that is defying gravity by standing straight up off of my head, holding frozen meat on my eyes in an attempt to bring down the puffiness of the bags, gulping coffee down like whiskey shots. It’s kind of difficult to fit in the computer in between all of that. But, for some reason, something told me to just pop online to check my mail this morning. And wow…it was a good thing I did! Apparently, the entire server was hacked last night. Someone on the server accessing via a shell script left a nice big security hole, and some punkass jumped right in and replaced every single index file on the entire server. And to top it all off, my server has several automatic updates a day, which I ordinarily love, but it just so happened that an automated backup happened just before anyone discovered the hacking, and so all of the hacked index files were backed up. Isn’t THAT fun? So I spent a good 15 minutes re-uploading all of my index files (thank goodness I learned a long time ago to keep backups on my computer).

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You know, I usually don’t make a habit of posting anything overtly political or religious in this particular forum, mostly because I have extremely strong opinions on some issues, and I refuse to inadvertently offend someone and end up having conflict on my site. This is one of the very few peaceful refuges I still possess.
But, let me tell you, I just have to get a few things out. For those of you who may not know, currently I am residing in a homeless shelter for victims of domestic violence, where I am provided with my own apartment that is run by the shelter and paid for by the shelter, until more permanent housing is acqired, usually in the form of section 8. Well, I had applied for my section 8 back in October, and being that I am homeless, should have gotten it rather quickly. In fact, I was supposed to have gotten it back in April. So why am I still here? Well, due to Bush’s tax cuts and frenzied overseas spending, Section 8 has been frozen in the state where I am living. And I found out yesterday that the freeze is effective until June 2004. 2004!! WHAT am I going to do until then?? The shelter is supposed to be a maximum year and a half program. Obviously, they won’t just kick all of us out, but what about the other women needing shelter, needing to leave their situation? The regular shelters are already filled to capacity, with nowhere to send the women on to after their stay there is done. Not only is this an awful situation for me, I can’t help thinking about all the women who may not even get an opportunity to leave now. As for me, I am going to be stuck here in a tiny town with no car (and believe me, there are NO jobs here), under the thumb of an organization that revels in trying to run my life. All because some fanatic needs to fund his stupid war, and has some idiotic belief that tax cuts for the wealthy will somehow magically create more jobs for those of us who cannot find one or who lost one. *rolls eyes*
I think I am much to angry to formulate a coherent statement about all this, but it’s ok, because Arianna Huffington has said brilliantly what I cannot at this time. In the ‘more’ section, I have posted an article in its entirety pertaining to this issue. I apologize for this brief rant, and will return you to out regularly scheduled drollness shortly. :biggrin:

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I didn’t even realize it had been so long since my last entry. I feel almost like I am going through the motions of living in some kind of daze, my mind clouded with a kindly, hazy mist. I think Read more…

Well, I was in quite a dirge-ful mood last night, n’est-ce pas? I still am, pretty much, but I woke up this morning, and I suppose that accounts for something.

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I feel as though I am falling through swirling clouds of blackest night, tumbling towards a fate I dare not contemplate. My mind is a seive, letting go of a thought almost before it completes its formation. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Worse, I am not even sure I WANT to know. WHY can my mind not just allow me to be content? I don’t necessarily need to be happy, not yet, but content would be a damn good start. But no, as soon as I begin to feel contentment envelop me like a warm blanket, something inside my head orders me to withdraw, retreat, run away as if the blanket were possessed of the most vile creature imaginable.

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I’m not really sure what has been going on with me lately. I just can’t seem to keep myself in a pleasant mood. I snap at people, I isolate myself from the outside, even online. Even the spring flowers blooming Read more…

I finally managed to make a new skin. This one was giving me a bit of trouble, so it took me longer to reveal it. I hope it works for everyone.

I have a few more in the works, too, so all of you who have been complaining that I don’t have any skins, be quiet. :LOL:
And Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow Mommies out there!! We all deserve the best. :kissy:
In the extended entry, I have written my first collab for the Alchera Project. I chose the following prompt:

Fiction/Option No. One:
There is first person (I, we), there is second person (you), and there is third person (he, she, it, they). Let us try experimenting with a whole new person: the collective point of view. Try your hand at the collective persona by writing a short story using the point of view of a group of people (at least three persons, but more if you’re brave). Word count requirement: let’s say, at least 500.

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The move to the new server appears to be complete, and most things are re-uploaded. I know a few things are missing, but those things I will be changing, in any case. Since I have unlimited databases on this new Read more…

I just wanted to share one of my favorite “welcome Spring” songs. It comes from the musical version of The Secret Gardern, which is quite excellent. The words are in the extended entry, and if you want to hear what the song sounds like, I have it available here. This is from the original Broadway Cast Album, and the actor playing Dickon is John Cameron Mitchell.

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Well…it seems like a terribly long time since I have been here. Truth is, I have been exhausted. My internship is going well, and I am quite enjoying it. It has been beautiful outside, and I have taken to walking the mile and a half to go pick up the baby from daycare, then it is another mile to walk back home. Of course, my cortisone shots for my heel spurs have decided to wear off, so my feet are in excruciating pain, but still I walk. Then, when I get home, I am pretty much too tired to do anything else but make dinner for the kids, and raise my finger to change the channel. I sign online, get my mail, open up Movable Type, and my eyes start closing. :LOL:

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