Well, I haven’t exactly been talkative lately, have I? I have been the same in the real world, too. I have been feeling very antisocial, for some reason. Not even really sure why. I think…well, it’s the same old thing. One or two things start going somewhat right, and I Read more…
I haven’t felt like writing much. Still. I’ve thought about putting up a hiatus notice here, but then I was like…I don’t feel much like doing that, either. Lots of stuff going on for me lately, and it seems to be coming out in art more than in words this time. I even got myself a little Renderosity gallery. :LOL: I think I am doing pretty good so far since I am so new to it all.
As a continuation of the ‘hot’ subject, I hate hot, so let’s dance! :LOL: Kymberlie is once again hosting a CD-burning fest, this time with the Summer Burn. So, go sign up, and have FUN burning for a change!
It is TOO hot. Within three days, it went from barely 60 degrees and raining to well over 90 degrees and humid enough to see. I was caught unprepared. No fans in the house. No heat tolerance built up at least enough for me to survive. The house is opressive, in more ways than one. I can barely even sit at the computer. Better to sit right in front of the new fan I picked up yesterday, where my face can be relatively cool and sweat-free, and only the rest of me melting into puddles. The house has that ‘hot’ smell, as if the very walls were sweating. Eww.
I would really appreciate it if
A friend was kind enough to give me a tarot reading via IM the other night. What? A tarot card reading over the internet? There is no way it could possible be accurate! Well, I was kind of thinking that, too. BUT…I gave the reading my full attention and concentration, and treated it just as a regular in-person reading.
Either she is a really intuitive card reader for not knowing me so well, or online readings can work just as well with the right connection (and I don’t mean internet connection :LOL: ). The reading was really excellent, and very true to what I asked the cards to answer for me, and to what my current situation is physically and emotionally. The only thing that disappointed me was that the reading said almost the same thing that all of my readings over the past 12 years or so have said. You are on the verge of a change, but something is holding you back (myself). How much longer can I hold myself back? How much longer can I be afraid? How much longer can I refuse to learn what I must learn in order to break down tha barrier?
There is nothing more frustrating than to be on one side of glass that can only be broken by one instrument, and see exactly what it is that you want on the other side of the glass, be holding the required instrument, but be unable to understand how to work it.
I can intellectually understand that what it is that is holding me back is an extreme fear of success. Oxymoronic, isn’t it? I am depressed because I fail at almost everything, but I am afraid to succeed, so I set myself up to fail because, if nothing else, it is familiar and safe. I was telling Rose, if I succeed, I feel as though I have to keep it up, continue to succeed, or else my failures will appear even WORSE than if I fail all the time. Just when I am on the verge of something, I back down. EVERY time. And I have no idea what it is that could push me over that edge. Or, if I go over the edge, what will keep me from just falling down again on the other side.
Something made me listen to Cree this morning. It had been too long. For some reason the song Sweet Pain struck me with much more emotional force than usual. There are things going on in my mind that I am afraid to address. But they remain, poking their heads out when I least expect them. The full lyrics are in the “more” link, but the following words were what spoke to me with a kind of plaintive wail that hurt my insides…
This sickness is a mutant bliss
It’s a slow steady shrinking into thinking
I’d evaporate without your hate
To remind me I’m still here
I did it again, huh? Days flow like water, melting into one another as smoothly as candle wax drips lazily down the side of a candle, oblivious of time or space. I have been around, but more of my time has been taken up playing catch with the kids, or Read more…
Over the winter my boys and I have spent an extraordinarily large amount of time either watching movies, renting movies, or at the movies. Don’t look at me like that. There isn’t much else to do in a small town with no car, very limited out-of-town bussing, and 5 feet of snow on the ground. But, all in all, movies have really become a great bonding tool for us. We watch all kinds of movies. Action-adventure is our favorite genre. Superheroes, bad guys, lots of explosions. You know…”boy” movies. :LOL: I do try to make an effort at variety, throwing as many animated and feel-good movies in there as I can. We saw Finding Nemo this weekend. Even if you are an adult by yourself, go see it. Totally hilarious, great graphics (being a novice of Poser and Bryce, I found myself trying to figure out how they made some of the figures).
Anyway,
This is extremely cool and interesting. Although I forgot to proofread my first exercise. :LOL: I have really been interested in expanding my writing lately, practicing on random scraps of paper, expounding on random words, getting those “vocabulary word a day” emails from like three different places. I don’t have Read more…
I got an email yesterday from the woman who owns the hosting company that I use. She told us that she just found out she has ovarian cancer, and is merging Host Radius with another company until such time as she can come back. I am not too worried about the change itself, because I have a feeling the merger will go smooth as silk, and nothing pertaining to my account, whether pricing or service, will be affected.
But