Enter your webmistress, stage right, jumping up and down excitedly: I got my entries back! I got my entries back!! Exit stage left. Yes, it’s true, my archives are back! I found the file I had used to import my entries when I changed servers, and I just manually added Read more…
I decided to do my first RAofJ collaboration. I have been a member for a while, but never did one of the projects as of yet. Either nothing jumped out at me, or I just couldn’t find the time or energy. But this one struck me, so I decided to give it a go. 🙂
I chose the following quote as my kick-off point.
The cruelest lies are often told in silence. — Robert Louis Stevenson
I saw this over at Tracy’s blog, and I just had to re-share it. I agree with her, though, in that this doesn’t necessarily make the world “mad,” but it does put a whole new perspective on some things. And if anyone knows the origin of this quote, Tracy and I both need to know. 🙂
/*Edit*/ Once in a while I will actually read other people’s comments on their site when they have asked a question, as it has probably been answered. There were many speculations in Tracy’s comment box, one being that Charles Barkeley uttered the following quote, but the general consensus seems to be that it was originally coined by Chris Rock, with an additional part of the quote saying “and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.” /*End Edit*/
“You know the world’s gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don’t want to go to war.”
Well, Here I am with a brand spanking new layout, which I SO hope everyone likes, because I am particularly proud of this one, and a brand spanking new blog to match. Although the blog part wasn’t intentional. I haven’t the faintest idea what happened, but somehow my Movable Type installation got corrupted, and no amount of beating my head against the wall was going to fix it. I couldn’t even export my entries properly, so I am going to have to find the time to manually archive the ones I saved and make them available again at some point. It’s not really a priority for me though. I am taking this as a lesson in letting go.
I wanted to take some time to dissect something that I have done lately that I am not very proud of at all. Well, OK, there are several things, but this is the one thing that affects me the most. Since getting my wonderful new computer, a whole different world Read more…
Well, I think MOST of the features of this site have been re-uploaded. Some have been improved, like the Interactive Story, but most everything right now is the same. I finally re-added the skins directory, with a few less skins than before, because I am working on a few more Read more…
First off, I just wanted to say I am sorry for not really being around too much lately. Writing just hasn’t been in me. I don’t really know what’s up with me, other than the fact that the majority of the time I am so exhausted I hardly know what Read more…
OK, the move to the new server has been successfully completed. Things are still a bit wonky here, and I apologize for that. I will be working on getting everything back to normal as soon as possible. Sorry to have not been around lately, just going through something right now. Read more…
There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall. ~Colette
I came across this quote today, and couldn’t help but to think how cunningly accurate it is.
Solitude can at times be like an elixir, a draught of the sweetest nectar, yours for the taking, to do with as you please. You can be like Tom Cruise, and rock around your house in your underwear to your favorite tunes. (Trust me, try it, it’s quite refreshing :crazy: ) You can take a long, luxurious, uninterrupted bath or shower, and pamper yourself upon exiting. Or you can go outside and be with nature without having to answer questions about it. :biggrin: One of my favorite things to do used to be going to this beautiful bird sanctuary that was behind the place where I used to work. You entered this place, and, even though it was small, it was as if the rest of the world didn’t even exist. It was quiet, shady, green, with birds twittering and chattering, and flowers scattered in brilliant carpets sheltering the lovingly worn pathways. It sometimes was a necessity for me after a long day with the kids I worked with.
But really, anything that you like to do JUST for you, by yourself, can feel so renewing. You NEED to do some things for yourself. You need to take care of yourself, because if you don’t, how could you possibly take care of anyone else? Mothers are probably the ones most guilty of not taking advantage of every bit of true solitude. Myself, I can’t even remember the last time I had some.
While solitude can be a freedom, there are other times when it can feel like a cage. These are times when that solitude is thrust upon us involuntarily. The ending of a relationship. The loss of someone though distance or death. Even something as commonplace as an argument where one person gets upset and leaves the vicinity can leave that bittersweet taste in our mouths. There is a bereft, lonely feeling that we often turn inwards to the point where we believe this solitude is of our own making. We desperately do not WANT to be alone at these times. We need contact, but there just doesn’t seem to be any available. We long to reconnect with that person we have lost one way or another, and deep inside, there is still a hope that one day we WILL do so. So, while this kind of solitude is perhaps the most painful, it also contains a small measure of hope, and a relieving sense of temporariness, so that we take our bitter tonic resolutely and wait for the day when we no longer have to take it.
Then there is the worst type of solitude imaginable. Sometimes I have to wonder just how many of us TRULY experience it. The type of solitude that is completely self-inflicted. I myself often inflict this upon myself. You push people away, before they ever have a chance to really know you. Or, you feel they are getting too close, so you pull away until they back off, and eventually they get fed up and move on, and even though you did it to yourself, you beat yourself up over how idiotic you are. Why can’t you trust more? Why does everyone seem to leave you just when you need them the most? Well, when you need them the most is when you are the most frightened of being hurt, and the most likely to push them away. I do this constantly. Even online. I avoid other sites, I avoid chat, I keep AIM closed, so that I don’t have to talk to anyone, I don’t have to be a burden with the way that I am feeling, or I don’t have to bother anyone with what a dork I am. Oh, there are times when I see how silly this is, but when the feeling strikes me, it’s like there is no turning back. And then when people DO fade away or move on, it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. See, I knew they wouldn’t stay around. Good thing I didn’t let myself get too close. But what the hell is wrong with me that this keeps happening?
Solitude of this magnitude is horrifying, because is feels as though you are a homeless starving person looking through the window at the well-fed, war and smiling people. But you can’t make them hear you. And you are so afraid to bang on the window. Afraid they will just laugh and pull down the shade.
This is something I wrote a few days ago. I have been feeling pretty down lately, so please, if it will concern you, just don’t read it, because it helped me IMMENSELY just to let it all out…